Having children may be doing what comes naturally, but raising children is another matter altogether. Parenting doesn’t really come with a set of instructions. For most parents, it’s like trying to put together a complex jigsaw puzzle without having a picture on the front of the box at which to look. For Christian parents, the bar is set even higher because of their desire to raise children that love and follow Jesus. At least, for these parents, there is the wisdom and guidance that comes from the Bible. As a matter of fact, the Bible is the first place I looked as I began to prepare for this article. I wanted to refresh my mind on the major Biblical passages that spoke to the subject of parenting, but what I discovered was remarkable – something I had not seen before in all my years of study.
My discovery was two-fold. First, I was surprised at how little the Bible had to say specifically on the subject of parenting! Some claim there are 17 passages that address the subject; my findings were closer to 10. That is not to say that the Bible is void of wisdom and instruction on child rearing. Transforming babes in Christ to spiritually mature saints and raising children into responsible adults is very similar with many parallels. The Bible, of course, is filled with instruction for growing new Christians and the carry over application to child rearing is clear, relevant and extremely valuable. Many of the articles I have read by experts on parenting used these passages to make their points.
My second discovery was that the passages that do speak directly to parenting were divided equally among the subjects of discipline and instruction. But what I saw for the first time was that all of these passages pointed to one thing: obedience! The reason for discipline and instruction is that the child might learn to obey! The New Testament reinforces this with the single command “children obey your parents” that is given in Eph. 6:1 and Col. 3:20. This is the only command to children in the New Testament.
My studies in spiritual formation have convinced me that all formation in Christlikeness is oriented toward explicit easy obedience. The transformation of the heart, by grace, into a state of obedience allows the disciple to willingly obey the “all things” commanded by our Lord. Furthermore, a yielded heart is the inner condition that allows the Holy Spirit to enable the outer life of the individual to naturally express the character and teachings of Jesus.
The same is true in raising children! The formation of character through discipline and instruction is for the purpose of obedience. Once a child understands that he must obey and that he must do so with a willing attitude, then you scarcely have to teach him anything else! Once he knows he must obey, you can simply “ask” him to do whatever it is that you need or want him to do and he will do it. When a child has learned to obey willingly, then your discipline will be cut to a minimum and you can spend the vast majority of your time teaching, nurturing and forming that little one into the kind of man or woman you want them to be! So children, “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right!”
Category: Christian Living
Articles I have written specifically dealing with areas of Christian living.
A Theology of Idolatry
The first five books of the Bible lay the foundation for the kind of relationship that God wants to have with His people. He wants to walk with them; talk with them; have them know Him; and receive their worship. The overarching concern in establishing this relationship was that God is a “holy” God. “For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy. . .” (Leviticus 11:44). The basic meaning of the word holy (Qadosh) is “set apart”, “apartness”, “distinct”, and “unique”. This idea of “separateness” is at the very core of who God is; how He works; and how any human being must relate to Him. It comes through in all His creative design (Genesis); interaction with mankind (Genesis –Numbers); and in the ethical, moral and civil obligations given for interaction between man and man, man and earth, and man and God (Leviticus- Deuteronomy). Stated simply, you can’t understand the Pentateuch, or the God of the Pentateuch, without some understanding of His “separateness”!
This “separateness” is front and center in Genesis chapter one where God’s creative work makes a clear separation between: (1) God and man (2) man and animal, and (3) male and female. All of these “distinctions” or “separations” in creation are reflections of His divine image. After the fall, we see two more important areas of separation: (4) good and evil; and (5) the holy and the profane. These five areas of separation became the foundation to the spiritual, civil and social health of the nation of Israel, as well as, all cultures and civilizations to follow. When any of these distinctions are blurred or deliberately crossed; chaos, confusion and destruction follow.
It is no wonder then that one of Satan’s primary strategies in His war against God will be an attempt to blur these lines of separation with the ultimate intent of erasing them altogether. Satan hates God and seeks to attack Him in any way possible. Since frontal assaults do not work well for him, he seeks to attack God by marring or destroying the distinctiveness of his creation or His image in us. Satan’s ultimate goal is to mar or, if possible, erase the “distinctiveness” of God’s image as so uniquely seen in the human race and thereby creating havoc and ultimate destruction to a society or culture.
Satan has been quite successful and thereby relentless in following this strategy. Fallen civilizations and cultures of the past are silent witnesses to this truth. Our own American culture is becoming a present day example. America’s founding was highly impacted by the Judeo-Christian faith and ethic. We openly acknowledged the transcendence and sovereignty of God (In God we Trust is still our national motto); taught the difference between good and evil as found in holy scripture; placed the dominion and well-being of humans in the proper biblical place – far above that of animals; understood the physical and social distinctions of male and female; held life as a sacred gift from God; and despised a profane man or woman. But alas, that was the America of yesterday! Every one of the five major “separations” mentioned above has all but vanished from the American norm. We are Godless and profane – and if you don’t believe that just look at a billboard, read a book or watch evening television. The battle that now rages is the one to destroy the distinction between male and female with the resultant evil of same-sex marriage. When this last distinction is destroyed, chaos and confusion will follow. God will not be mocked!
Satan’s strategy of erasing the Divine lines of separation begins with the mind. Through vain and worldly philosophies the so called “intellectual elites” planted and preached the ideas that dethroned God, elevated man, undermined absolute truth, destroyed moral values, devalued human life and is presently removing the family structure upon which civilizations are built. Ideas are powerful! Unfortunately, ideas have consequences. What I think carries over into what I do. Character is connected to the intellect. Ideas impact values. According to historian Paul Johnson, the killing fields of Cambodia came out of philosophical discussions (ideas) in Paris!
Is there an answer? Yes! The answer is the radical transformation of the heart and the renewing of the mind in truth – God’s truth! Can it happen? Oh, yes! Will it happen? Well . . . that depends on you and me!
Erasing the Lines
The first five books of the Bible lay the foundation for the kind of relationship that God wants to have with His people. He wants to walk with them; talk with them; have them know Him; and receive their worship. The overarching concern in establishing this relationship was that God is a “holy” God. “For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy. . .” (Leviticus 11:44). The basic meaning of the word holy (Qadosh) is “set apart”, “apartness”, “distinct”, and “unique”. This idea of “separateness” is at the very core of who God is; how He works; and how any human being must relate to Him. It comes through in all His creative design (Genesis); interaction with mankind (Genesis –Numbers); and in the ethical, moral and civil obligations given for interaction between man and man, man and earth, and man and God (Leviticus- Deuteronomy). Stated simply, you can’t understand the Pentateuch, or the God of the Pentateuch, without some understanding of His “separateness”!
This “separateness” is front and center in Genesis chapter one where God’s creative work makes a clear separation between: (1) God and man (2) man and animal, and (3) male and female. All of these “distinctions” or “separations” in creation are reflections of His divine image. After the fall, we see two more important areas of separation: (4) good and evil; and (5) the holy and the profane. These five areas of separation became the foundation to the spiritual, civil and social health of the nation of Israel, as well as, all cultures and civilizations to follow. When any of these distinctions are blurred or deliberately crossed; chaos, confusion and destruction follow.
It is no wonder then that one of Satan’s primary strategies in His war against God will be an attempt to blur these lines of separation with the ultimate intent of erasing them altogether. Satan hates God and seeks to attack Him in any way possible. Since frontal assaults do not work well for him, he seeks to attack God by marring or destroying the distinctiveness of his creation or His image in us. Satan’s ultimate goal is to mar or, if possible, erase the “distinctiveness” of God’s image as so uniquely seen in the human race and thereby creating havoc and ultimate destruction to a society or culture.
Satan has been quite successful and thereby relentless in following this strategy. Fallen civilizations and cultures of the past are silent witnesses to this truth. Our own American culture is becoming a present day example. America’s founding was highly impacted by the Judeo-Christian faith and ethic. We openly acknowledged the transcendence and sovereignty of God (In God we Trust is still our national motto); taught the difference between good and evil as found in holy scripture; placed the dominion and well-being of humans in the proper biblical place – far above that of animals; understood the physical and social distinctions of male and female; held life as a sacred gift from God; and despised a profane man or woman. But alas, that was the America of yesterday! Every one of the five major “separations” mentioned above has all but vanished from the American norm. We are Godless and profane – and if you don’t believe that just look at a billboard, read a book or watch evening television. The battle that now rages is the one to destroy the distinction between male and female with the resultant evil of same-sex marriage. When this last distinction is destroyed, chaos and confusion will follow. God will not be mocked!
Satan’s strategy of erasing the Divine lines of separation begins with the mind. Through vain and worldly philosophies the so called “intellectual elites” planted and preached the ideas that dethroned God, elevated man, undermined absolute truth, destroyed moral values, devalued human life and is presently removing the family structure upon which civilizations are built. Ideas are powerful! Unfortunately, ideas have consequences. What I think carries over into what I do. Character is connected to the intellect. Ideas impact values. According to historian Paul Johnson, the killing fields of Cambodia came out of philosophical discussions (ideas) in Paris!
Is there an answer? Yes! The answer is the radical transformation of the heart and the renewing of the mind in truth – God’s truth! Can it happen? Oh, yes! Will it happen? Well . . . that depends on you and me!
Grace was in her steps . . . Heaven in her eyes
Motherhood was God’s idea. He purposefully created women to carry, give birth to, nurse, nurture, teach, and tenderly love their children in a way unique to women. It was His plan that a bond of unconditional love be forged between mother and child that would bridge any divide, face down any storm and last for eternity. I am blessed to not only have had a wonderful mother of my own but several wonderful “mothers” in my life.
My Mother
Clara Mae Avery 1923-1995
My mother was a simple, hardworking homemaker who loved her children. She was a genuine saint who loved God until it showed. She was ever present, always encouraging, never demeaning, faithful in prayer and always ready to laugh. Mother taught me so much about practical Christianity. She also instilled a sense of confidence in me that was far beyond my capacity to perform. The following two quotes capture some of what she meant to me and what she did for me.
“I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.” (John Wesley)
“When I was a child my mother said to me, ‘If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general. If you become a monk, you’ll be the pope.’ Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.” (Pablo Picasso)
Her Mother and Mine
Virginia Vernon 1918-2012
My mother-in-law had one of the most gentle, selfless and soft spoken personalities of any women I ever knew – yet that softness covered a frame of pure unbendable steel. Granny was a sharecropper’s daughter, a mother of eight (three in diapers at one time) a pastor’s wife, a missionary stateswoman, well read, a fantastic speller, a caregiver (eleven years to an invalid husband), a long term widow and all the while her children’s loving mother. She faced the normal trials of life plus: open heart surgery, Parkinson’s, a broken hip (that left her bedfast for ten years) partial blindness and much loneliness. Yet I never, ever heard her complain or whine! She never lost her sense of humor – even at age 94. She was a great role model!
Their Mother
Rebecca Ruth (Vernon) Avery
My wife and the mother of my children is almost an exact replica of her mother. She is witty, selfless, others oriented, extremely well read, hardworking, holds confidences (and her tongue), lives for her family, is prayerful and supportive. She has a very single devotion to her faith, her family and her husband. Watching her in action as she raised our two sons was a joy. She read to them and later with them – constantly. She taught them to read and write before they ever attended school. Their achievements today must largely be credited to the lessons they learn at her knee.
Other Mothers
Dot Brown, Mary Stetler
My mother suffered a massive stroke the night before I was installed as president of GBS. My parents had traveled to Cincinnati with me to share in this special day but mother never made it to the Hilltop. She lived only six months after the stroke. After her death, two godly women became “mothers” to me. Dot Brown, a retired nurse and my first Dean of Women, was one of those rare discerning saints who always seem to have the right piece of advice at just the right time. Her counsel and support were priceless. And then there was Mary Stetler. Mary Stetler came to me shortly after my mother died and said, “I know you have lost the woman that prayed for you every day. I want you to know I am going to pray for you now” – and she has!
No one can take the place of your own dear mother but I am so grateful for the wonderful mothers God has providentially placed in my life. So to them and to all of the wonderful mothers who will read this, I honor you with a quote from John Milton’s Paradise Lost, “Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, in every gesture dignity and love.” Happy Mother’s Day!
The Bible and Sexual Immorality
The 21st century doesn’t have a monopoly on sexual sin. Sexual wickedness has haunted every age since the fall of man. God has used water, fire and the sword to scrub previous civilizations clean of their moral rot. The Greek and Roman cultures were both so morally corrupt that they finally imploded – weakened and destroyed by their own lust. But what does seem to be unique to our day is that professing Christians – Bible toting, Bible believing Christians – have become quite at home in a culture deeply entrenched in all manner of sexual evil. It doesn’t shock us. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t offend our consciences. The truth is, that unless it is really bad, sexual immorality just seems normal – even entertaining to many present day church folks! Many would even admit to telling dirty jokes, viewing pornography and watching sexuality explicit movies! This, however, is not the biblical norm.
Sexual Immorality (porneia) is Sub-Christian
Sexual immorality [any illicit sexual behavior including adultery, fornication, homosexuality, incest, prostitution, rape, lust, bestiality, pornography , sexual touch with someone who is not my spouse and voyeurism] is included on every list of “sins” in both Old and New Testaments. Jesus, Paul and all the Biblical writers understood and taught that sexual activity outside of marriage between and man and a woman was wrong. The first Jerusalem Council made it very clear to the new converts coming out of paganism and into the Church that sexual immorality is “sub-Christian” and is unacceptable. Sexual immorality is so incompatible with the Christian life that Paul tells the Ephesian church that it is not enough to just not do these sins , “but among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place . . .” (Eph. 5:3-4).
Sexual Immorality is a Sin against the Body
The culture of our day insists that the freedom to express ourselves sexually in any way we choose is essential to our identity has human beings. But God’s Word plainly says that the body belongs to Him and immoral sexual behavior is a sin “against the body” (I Cor. 6:15-20). Many sins bring defilement and destruction to the body but sexual immorality goes further and desecrates the body in the same mystical way that the temple is desecrated by bringing an idol into it.
Sexual Immorality is so Highly Contagious that we dare not have
Intimate Fellowship with People who are Sexually Immoral
In I Cor. 5: 6-7, 9-11 Paul tells the Corinthians, “your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? Cleanse out the old leaven that you may be a new lump, as you really are unleavened. I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world … since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality—not even to eat with such a one”. Paul is quite blunt here. He makes it plain that we don’t “coddle” but rather “cut off” the sexually immoral person who claims to be a Christian yet chooses to persist in their immorality. The Corinthian man who pursued an incestuous relationship was to be handed “over to Satan.” This does not mean we do not show them love. It means we show them “tough love”. Love and grace are redemptive and transformative – not just accepting and tolerant.
Sexual Immorality has Irreversible Consequences
Proverbs 6:27-33 says, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; none who touches her will go unpunished. People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry, but if he is caught, he will pay sevenfold; he will give all the goods of his house. He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away”.
How does the church deal with Sexual Immorality?
1. Create a zero tolerance for all sexual immorality. This means condemning all inappropriate sexual behavior and all sexual relations outside of marriage between a man and a woman.
2. When sexual immorality happens within the body of Christ, discipline should be administered fairly and without impartiality.
3. Preach the Gospel. It is only the Gospel of Jesus Christ that can free anyone from the bondage of sexual sin. Counseling has many good things to offer in the healing and helping processes, but only the power of the gospel and walking in the Spirit frees from the “lust of the flesh.”
4. Lead – don’t just react. Teach people, especially young people, how to establish Biblical guardrails in their life. Guardrails are established in a safe zone to keep us from going into an unsafe zone. The idea is to help them choose behavior that keeps them some distance away from disaster.
5. Be redemptive. Create an environment that makes it easy to confess failure, seek help and find forgiveness.
Deeper Life Ministries 