Children Obey

Having children may be doing what comes naturally, but raising children is another matter altogether.   Parenting doesn’t really come with a set of instructions. For most parents, it’s like trying to put together a complex jigsaw puzzle without having a picture on the front of the box at which to look. For Christian parents, the bar is set even higher because of their desire to raise children that love and follow Jesus. At least, for these parents, there is the wisdom and guidance that comes from the Bible. As a matter of fact, the Bible is the first place I looked as I began to prepare for this article. I wanted to refresh my mind on the major Biblical passages that spoke to the subject of parenting, but what I discovered was remarkable – something I had not seen before in all my years of study.

My discovery was two-fold. First, I was surprised at how little the Bible had to say specifically on the subject of parenting! Some claim there are 17 passages that address the subject; my findings were closer to 10. That is not to say that the Bible is void of wisdom and instruction on child rearing. Transforming babes in Christ to spiritually mature saints and raising children into responsible adults is very similar with many parallels.   The Bible, of course, is filled with instruction for growing new Christians and the carry over application to child rearing is clear, relevant and extremely valuable.   Many of the articles I have read by experts on parenting used these passages to make their points.

My second discovery was that the passages that do speak directly to parenting were divided equally among the subjects of discipline and instruction. But what I saw for the first time was that all of these passages pointed to one thing: obedience! The reason for discipline and instruction is that the child might learn to obey!   The New Testament reinforces this with the single command “children obey your parents” that is given in Eph. 6:1 and Col. 3:20. This is the only command to children in the New Testament.

My studies in spiritual formation have convinced me that all formation in Christlikeness is oriented toward explicit easy obedience. The transformation of the heart, by grace, into a state of obedience allows the disciple to willingly obey the “all things” commanded by our Lord. Furthermore, a yielded heart is the inner condition that allows the Holy Spirit to enable the outer life of the individual to naturally express the character and teachings of Jesus.

The same is true in raising children! The formation of character through discipline and instruction is for the purpose of obedience. Once a child understands that he must obey and that he must do so with a willing attitude, then you scarcely have to teach him anything else! Once he knows he must obey, you can simply “ask” him to do whatever it is that you need or want him to do and he will do it. When a child has learned to obey willingly, then your discipline will be cut to a minimum and you can spend the vast majority of your time teaching, nurturing and forming that little one into the kind of man or woman you want them to be! So children, “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right!”

OBEDIENCE IS THE KEY!

Having children may be doing what comes naturally, but raising children is another matter altogether. Parenting doesn’t really come with a set of instructions. For most parents, it’s like trying to put together a complex jigsaw puzzle without having a picture on the front of the box at which to look. For Christian parents, the bar is set even higher because of their desire to raise children that love and follow Jesus. At least, for these parents, there is the wisdom and guidance that comes from the Bible. As a matter of fact, the Bible is the first place I looked as I began to prepare for this article. I wanted to refresh my mind on the major Biblical passages that spoke to the subject of parenting, but what I discovered was remarkable – something I had not seen before in all my years of study.
My discovery was two-fold. First, I was surprised at how little the Bible had to say specifically on the subject of parenting! Some claim there are 17 passages that address the subject; my findings were closer to 10. That is not to say that the Bible is void of wisdom and instruction on child rearing. Transforming babes in Christ to spiritually mature saints and raising children into responsible adults is very similar with many parallels. The Bible, of course, is filled with instruction for growing new Christians and the carry over application to child rearing is clear, relevant and extremely valuable. Many of the articles I have read by experts on parenting used these passages to make their points.
My second discovery was that the passages that do speak directly to parenting were divided equally among the subjects of discipline and instruction. But what I saw for the first time was that all of these passages pointed to one thing: obedience! The reason for discipline and instruction is that the child might learn to obey! The New Testament reinforces this with the single command “children obey your parents” that is given in Eph. 6:1 and Col. 3:20. This is the only command to children in the New Testament.
My studies in spiritual formation have convinced me that all formation in Christlikeness is oriented toward explicit easy obedience. The transformation of the heart, by grace, into a state of obedience allows the disciple to willingly obey the “all things” commanded by our Lord. Furthermore, a yielded heart is the inner condition that allows the Holy Spirit to enable the outer life of the individual to naturally express the character and teachings of Jesus.
The same is true in raising children! The formation of character through discipline and instruction is for the purpose of obedience. Once a child understands that he must obey and that he must do so with a willing attitude, then you scarcely have to teach him anything else! Once he knows he must obey, you can simply “ask” him to do whatever it is that you need or want him to do and he will do it. When a child has learned to obey willingly, then your discipline will be cut to a minimum and you can spend the vast majority of your time teaching, nurturing and forming that little one into the kind of man or woman you want them to be! So children, “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right!”

A Theology of Idolatry

The first five books of the Bible lay the foundation for the kind of relationship that God wants to have with His people. He wants to walk with them; talk with them; have them know Him; and receive their worship. The overarching concern in establishing this relationship was that God is a “holy” God. “For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy. . .” (Leviticus 11:44). The basic meaning of the word holy (Qadosh) is “set apart”, “apartness”, “distinct”, and “unique”. This idea of “separateness” is at the very core of who God is; how He works; and how any human being must relate to Him. It comes through in all His creative design (Genesis); interaction with mankind (Genesis –Numbers); and in the ethical, moral and civil obligations given for interaction between man and man, man and earth, and man and God (Leviticus- Deuteronomy). Stated simply, you can’t understand the Pentateuch, or the God of the Pentateuch, without some understanding of His “separateness”!

This “separateness” is front and center in Genesis chapter one where God’s creative work makes a clear separation between: (1) God and man (2) man and animal, and (3) male and female. All of these “distinctions” or “separations” in creation are reflections of His divine image. After the fall, we see two more important areas of separation: (4) good and evil; and (5) the holy and the profane. These five areas of separation became the foundation to the spiritual, civil and social health of the nation of Israel, as well as, all cultures and civilizations to follow. When any of these distinctions are blurred or deliberately crossed; chaos, confusion and destruction follow.

It is no wonder then that one of Satan’s primary strategies in His war against God will be an attempt to blur these lines of separation with the ultimate intent of erasing them altogether. Satan hates God and seeks to attack Him in any way possible. Since frontal assaults do not work well for him, he seeks to attack God by marring or destroying the distinctiveness of his creation or His image in us. Satan’s ultimate goal is to mar or, if possible, erase the “distinctiveness” of God’s image as so uniquely seen in the human race and thereby creating havoc and ultimate destruction to a society or culture.

Satan has been quite successful and thereby relentless in following this strategy. Fallen civilizations and cultures of the past are silent witnesses to this truth. Our own American culture is becoming a present day example. America’s founding was highly impacted by the Judeo-Christian faith and ethic. We openly acknowledged the transcendence and sovereignty of God (In God we Trust is still our national motto); taught the difference between good and evil as found in holy scripture; placed the dominion and well-being of humans in the proper biblical place – far above that of animals; understood the physical and social distinctions of male and female; held life as a sacred gift from God; and despised a profane man or woman. But alas, that was the America of yesterday! Every one of the five major “separations” mentioned above has all but vanished from the American norm. We are Godless and profane – and if you don’t believe that just look at a billboard, read a book or watch evening television. The battle that now rages is the one to destroy the distinction between male and female with the resultant evil of same-sex marriage. When this last distinction is destroyed, chaos and confusion will follow. God will not be mocked!

Satan’s strategy of erasing the Divine lines of separation begins with the mind. Through vain and worldly philosophies the so called “intellectual elites” planted and preached the ideas that dethroned God, elevated man, undermined absolute truth, destroyed moral values, devalued human life and is presently removing the family structure upon which civilizations are built. Ideas are powerful! Unfortunately, ideas have consequences. What I think carries over into what I do. Character is connected to the intellect. Ideas impact values. According to historian Paul Johnson, the killing fields of Cambodia came out of philosophical discussions (ideas) in Paris!

Is there an answer? Yes! The answer is the radical transformation of the heart and the renewing of the mind in truth – God’s truth! Can it happen? Oh, yes! Will it happen? Well . . . that depends on you and me!

Erasing the Lines

The first five books of the Bible lay the foundation for the kind of relationship that God wants to have with His people. He wants to walk with them; talk with them; have them know Him; and receive their worship. The overarching concern in establishing this relationship was that God is a “holy” God. “For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy. . .” (Leviticus 11:44). The basic meaning of the word holy (Qadosh) is “set apart”, “apartness”, “distinct”, and “unique”. This idea of “separateness” is at the very core of who God is; how He works; and how any human being must relate to Him. It comes through in all His creative design (Genesis); interaction with mankind (Genesis –Numbers); and in the ethical, moral and civil obligations given for interaction between man and man, man and earth, and man and God (Leviticus- Deuteronomy). Stated simply, you can’t understand the Pentateuch, or the God of the Pentateuch, without some understanding of His “separateness”!

This “separateness” is front and center in Genesis chapter one where God’s creative work makes a clear separation between: (1) God and man (2) man and animal, and (3) male and female. All of these “distinctions” or “separations” in creation are reflections of His divine image. After the fall, we see two more important areas of separation: (4) good and evil; and (5) the holy and the profane. These five areas of separation became the foundation to the spiritual, civil and social health of the nation of Israel, as well as, all cultures and civilizations to follow. When any of these distinctions are blurred or deliberately crossed; chaos, confusion and destruction follow.

It is no wonder then that one of Satan’s primary strategies in His war against God will be an attempt to blur these lines of separation with the ultimate intent of erasing them altogether. Satan hates God and seeks to attack Him in any way possible. Since frontal assaults do not work well for him, he seeks to attack God by marring or destroying the distinctiveness of his creation or His image in us. Satan’s ultimate goal is to mar or, if possible, erase the “distinctiveness” of God’s image as so uniquely seen in the human race and thereby creating havoc and ultimate destruction to a society or culture.

Satan has been quite successful and thereby relentless in following this strategy. Fallen civilizations and cultures of the past are silent witnesses to this truth. Our own American culture is becoming a present day example. America’s founding was highly impacted by the Judeo-Christian faith and ethic. We openly acknowledged the transcendence and sovereignty of God (In God we Trust is still our national motto); taught the difference between good and evil as found in holy scripture; placed the dominion and well-being of humans in the proper biblical place – far above that of animals; understood the physical and social distinctions of male and female; held life as a sacred gift from God; and despised a profane man or woman. But alas, that was the America of yesterday! Every one of the five major “separations” mentioned above has all but vanished from the American norm. We are Godless and profane – and if you don’t believe that just look at a billboard, read a book or watch evening television. The battle that now rages is the one to destroy the distinction between male and female with the resultant evil of same-sex marriage. When this last distinction is destroyed, chaos and confusion will follow. God will not be mocked!

Satan’s strategy of erasing the Divine lines of separation begins with the mind. Through vain and worldly philosophies the so called “intellectual elites” planted and preached the ideas that dethroned God, elevated man, undermined absolute truth, destroyed moral values, devalued human life and is presently removing the family structure upon which civilizations are built. Ideas are powerful! Unfortunately, ideas have consequences. What I think carries over into what I do. Character is connected to the intellect. Ideas impact values. According to historian Paul Johnson, the killing fields of Cambodia came out of philosophical discussions (ideas) in Paris!

Is there an answer? Yes! The answer is the radical transformation of the heart and the renewing of the mind in truth – God’s truth! Can it happen? Oh, yes! Will it happen? Well . . . that depends on you and me!

Grace was in her steps . . . Heaven in her eyes

Motherhood was God’s idea. He purposefully created women to carry, give birth to, nurse, nurture, teach, and tenderly love their children in a way unique to women. It was His plan that a bond of unconditional love be forged between mother and child that would bridge any divide, face down any storm and last for eternity. I am blessed to not only have had a wonderful mother of my own but several wonderful “mothers” in my life.

My Mother

Clara Mae Avery 1923-1995

My mother was a simple, hardworking homemaker who loved her children. She was a genuine saint who loved God until it showed.  She was ever present, always encouraging, never demeaning, faithful in prayer and always ready to laugh. Mother taught me so much about practical Christianity. She also instilled a sense of confidence in me that was far beyond my capacity to perform. The following two quotes capture some of what she meant to me and what she did for me.

“I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.” (John Wesley)

“When I was a child my mother said to me, ‘If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general. If you become a monk, you’ll be the pope.’ Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.” (Pablo Picasso)

Her Mother and Mine

Virginia Vernon 1918-2012

My mother-in-law had one of the most gentle, selfless and soft spoken personalities of any women I ever knew – yet that softness covered a frame of pure unbendable steel.  Granny was a sharecropper’s daughter, a mother of eight (three in diapers at one time) a pastor’s wife, a missionary stateswoman, well read, a fantastic speller, a caregiver (eleven years to an invalid husband), a long term widow and all the while her children’s loving mother. She faced the normal trials of life plus: open heart surgery, Parkinson’s, a broken hip (that left her bedfast for ten years) partial blindness and much loneliness. Yet I never, ever heard her complain or whine! She never lost her sense of humor – even at age 94. She was a great role model!

Their Mother

Rebecca Ruth (Vernon) Avery

My wife and the mother of my children is almost an exact replica of her mother. She is witty, selfless, others oriented, extremely well read, hardworking, holds confidences (and her tongue), lives for her family, is prayerful and supportive. She has a very single devotion to her faith, her family and her husband. Watching her in action as she raised our two sons was a joy. She read to them and later with them – constantly. She taught them to read and write before they ever attended school. Their achievements today must largely be credited to the lessons they learn at her knee.

Other Mothers

Dot Brown, Mary Stetler

My mother suffered a massive stroke the night before I was installed as president of GBS. My parents had traveled to Cincinnati with me to share in this special day but mother never made it to the Hilltop. She lived only six months after the stroke. After her death, two godly women became “mothers” to me. Dot Brown, a retired nurse and my first Dean of Women, was one of those rare discerning saints who always seem to have the right piece of advice at just the right time. Her counsel and support were priceless. And then there was Mary Stetler. Mary Stetler came to me shortly after my mother died and said, “I know you have lost the woman that prayed for you every day. I want you to know I am going to pray for you now” – and she has!

No one can take the place of your own dear mother but I am so grateful for the wonderful mothers God has providentially placed in my life. So to them and to all of the wonderful mothers who will read this, I honor you with a quote from   John Milton’s Paradise Lost, “Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, in every gesture dignity and love.” Happy Mother’s Day!